tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78011359610449195902024-03-13T21:57:24.716-06:00I am the WalrusThe life and times of one Brian Ken Taylor, his awesome children, and so forth.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-10892279828250079462013-04-29T20:32:00.000-06:002013-04-29T20:32:15.400-06:00A little bit frusteratedI've been reluctant to post. Because...I want to say something FANTASTIC...or...IMPACTFUL...or... CAPTIVATING...but I've got nuthin'. Oh well. It is what it is.<br />
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I wanted to post some pictures of the SWEETEST LITTLE GIRLS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD when we went glow in the dark miniature golfing last Saturday ..but they didn't turn out. And, I wanted to report what I came up with my new and improved title to my blog...but I'm having creative writers block, so still no title. And I love you guys for your private suggestions, most of which weren't posted on this blog... but while they were great, none of them were really me. And, I thought about talking about my<br />
eh-hem...interesting medical issues, but that gets old and the stories that are interesting relating to it are...well...not entirely approperate for public consumption.<br />
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So I'm frustrated, because I want to blog, but I don't have much to say worth blogging about at the moment...<br />
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But I'm still here. so don't you forget about me. : ) I shall return.<br />
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<br />Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-21169811404995622272013-04-13T11:33:00.001-06:002013-04-13T11:36:36.258-06:00It's time to re-name the blog<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It has been brought to my attention that the title of my blog is...well...weird. In case you didn't know, "I am the Walrus" is the title of a Beatles song, and it reminds me of a line I've always found amusing in the movie Ferris Bueller's day off."I quote John Lennon: 'I don't believe in Beatles. I just believe in me.' A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people..."<br /><br />
I was already considering changing the title of my blog before it was brought to my attention that said title was "wierd" since the old title was representative of the old me, still married to and madly in love with Carrie, four years ago. Now seems as good a time as any to start anew with a new title.<br /><br /><br />So, what should it be? I'm taking suggestions. the best title suggestion may be the new title of my blog. If I like it better than anything I can come up with. And right now, I'm drawing blanks for a title. <br />Let me know what you think... <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-5174215253830607272013-04-12T21:58:00.000-06:002013-04-12T21:58:08.742-06:00E.R. visit part 2...Yeah, but I didn't make it to the E.R.<br />
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I woke up this morning feeling yet again like I was having a baby out the side of my abdomen or as the doctor referred to it today..."my right flank". Right Flank??? What, am I a horse?<br />
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Anyway, so I felt like I was going to meet my maker yet again for the second time in two days. This lasted for about three hours, but I decided this time to wait for my girlfriend to show up to take me to the E.R. I thought this might be prudent in case they discharged me again, so I wouldn't be stuck sitting in the waiting room high on Morphine with nothing to do but watch Nemo and Dorie in the fish tank until someone could come and get me.<br />
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By the time she was able to get off work the pain wasn't off the Richter scale like it had been earlier. As a result I decided to try save a small fortune and see the doctor this time since the E.R. is quite pricey these days and they were oh sooooo helpful yesterday. It was time for a second opinion.<br />
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So...More blood work, more peeing in a cup, and an Ultrasound to come on Monday...what, am I pregnant? That would at least explain the PAIN, and the feelings of giving birth out of "my right flank"...but...since I'm a guy...Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-15549969638763804972013-04-12T12:05:00.002-06:002013-04-12T12:05:35.252-06:00E.R. visit Part 1So, I got to spend some quality time in the Emergency Room yesterday, and it looks like I may be on my way back. I could do without that.<br />
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I went into work yesterday and while I was there I was experiencing some discomfort in places that I won't talk about. I went home after an incredibly awkward conversation with one of my superiors in private about why I was leaving. After going home, I made an appointment with a doctor for a few hours later, and proceeded to wait, which failed miserably because my pain level went from about a 5 to an 11 in about an hour's time. So...I set off for Instacare because I didn't want to go to the ER because I didn't want to pay the ER's copay. Instacare woudn't touch me with a ten foot pole and offered to either call me an ambulance to go around the block to go to the ER or I could drive myself over there. I drove. Because there was no way I was going to pay for an ambulance to do what I could do in twenty seconds, no matter how much pain I was in.<br />
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So, after about 4 hours of lots of Morphine, peeing in a cup, bloodwork, and a Cat Scan, the doctor finally came in to say "we have no idea what's wrong with you. Go home." Okay, he didn't say it EXACTLY like that, but that's how it felt. Then, the nurses and hospital tech's came back and proceeded to push me out the door like I had contracted the plague and they would all come down with it if I didn't leave the building in the next thirty seconds. Very comforting.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-40807432974777359022013-04-10T19:35:00.001-06:002013-04-12T12:59:36.571-06:00What doesn't kill you makes you strongerOkay, it's obviously been ages since I've blogged. So lets get the elephant out of the room. I got divorced. It was the single hardest thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. It crushed, and honestly nearly destroyed me in ways I didn't know were possible. I was completely and totally devastated. I never, ever thought it would happen. I made mistakes. Lots of them. I wasn't there for the woman that I loved more than life itself like I needed to be.<br />
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That said, I didn't have an affair, I didn't get addicted to porn, I didn't gamble, and I didn't abuse her, physically or mentally. I tried to be a good person and a good husband and father, though I often fell short. I had always believed that though I am a flawed person with many shortcomings, as long as I was honest, loyal, and faithful to my wife and children and loved them the best that I knew how, I would always have my wife and my children with me forever. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough.<br />
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Soooo, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And it didn't kill me and I'm still here. I still have too amazing daughters who are the center of my universe. I get to see them every other weekend, which isn't nearly enough, (only having them living with me every day would be) I've got a decent job working for Enterprise Rent-A-Car, a job that I felt the hand of God guiding me to do. And through it all, I've never lost my religious faith. And I've gained some amazing friends on the journey. So, life hasn't turned out at all like I had expected or would have hoped, but it hasn't been completely awful in some ways either. I'd also like to think as a result I've grown closer to the family I grew up with, though there's always still room for improvement.<br />
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So, still alive and still a work in progress. Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-4645447052372212322009-03-15T23:33:00.002-06:002009-03-15T23:36:04.488-06:00Moab Trip<a href="http://chopstickfly.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-latest-adventure-with-brian.html">http://chopstickfly.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-latest-adventure-with-brian.html</a><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I'm hoping to getting around to making a post of my own on our adventure to Moab/Arches/Slickrock/Dead Horse Point, etc. BUT just in case I lagg or never come through, I hope you'll all enjoy Carrie's. I agree with her take on the whole thing and her pictures are great so check it out!</div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-1883790753158227532009-02-27T22:39:00.003-07:002009-02-27T22:55:25.722-07:00Big but bad news...I'm excited to have my first official follower to my blog; my old friend Mark <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Noakes</span>. Thanks Mark!!!<div><br /></div><div>However, I will now break my blogging silence with some less than stellar news. I was hoping to blog next about something happy. Usually blogging posts seem to go best with pictures. Under the circumstances, I hope you'll be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ok</span> with a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">picture-less</span> post...</div><div><br /></div><div>I have been anxiously waiting my L-SAT score. (that's the test to get into Law School if you weren't all over that acronym.) I missed my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">opportunity</span> to take the L-SAT last June, deferred on receiving my score in October since I felt I didn't do my best, and now on my third L-SAT <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">opportunity</span> I scored low enough to pretty much close the door on this chapter of my life in trying to find my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">life's</span> work through the Law. </div><div><br /></div><div>Needless to say, I'm extremely upset and trying not to let it overtake me. However and despite that, I still have a spectacular wife and two darling little girls who love and depend on me. I also have a job at a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">residential</span> treatment center for troubled teens that while meaningful in its work is still meager in its pay. However, until I figure out the next step, my wife, my family and my job are still very important so the immediate next step is to pull my head out of my...behind. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks for reading. I know especially for family on both sides that this isn't exactly <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">pleasant</span> or welcome news. I hope you'll forgive my method of delivery to inform you of this. I'm a little too <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">disappointed</span> in myself right now to hear the disappointment and/or awkward pause in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">anyone's</span> voice on the phone or what have you when no one knows what to say about something like this.</div><div><br /></div><div>I appreciate all of your support for me and my family and your patience with me over the years and now while I try to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. May the growing up happen very soon because the delay and growing pains have been just that...painful. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks,</div><div><br /></div><div>Brian</div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-9932477689282003282009-01-15T22:12:00.001-07:002009-01-15T22:12:11.356-07:00ABC News: Mormons Open Doors to Discuss Religion<a href=http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaithMatters/Story?id=6614455&page=1>ABC News: Mormons Open Doors to Discuss Religion</a><br /><br />Posted using <a href="http://sharethis.com">ShareThis</a>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-23043309667877796392008-12-26T20:33:00.003-07:002008-12-26T20:39:17.834-07:00The laziest blog post about Christmas you'll ever see.<h2 class="date-header"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Ok, so I'm too worn out from the holiday to blog my own post about Christmas day, so I decided to plagiarize Carrie. I of course read it first, and like almost everything she says and does, I agree whole heatedly in it as if it were my own; only it's better.</span></span></span></h2><h2 class="date-header"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">-the walrus. </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></span></span><br /></h2><h2 class="date-header">Friday, December 26, 2008</h2> <a name="3469459466923618228"></a> <h3 class="post-title entry-title"> <a href="http://chopstickfly.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-stuff.html">Christmas stuff</a> </h3> <div class="post-body entry-content"> ***WARNING*** The following post is picture-heavy and could be slightly boring....<br /><br /><br />This year was a bit of a milestone for us because we weren't with our parents, either set, so we had to grow up and make a good holiday for our kids all by our lonesomes. It was great! Definitely a keeper. This was also the first year that Leah cared about it, so we were really expected to produce.<br /><br /><br />So, Christmas started out like most others-kids want to open presents, parents are too tired to care. I figured I needed to throw in a few obligatory pictures of present opening:<br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWTqSOaFMI/AAAAAAAAATM/YF8NzGQ24dM/s1600-h/100_2185.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284292092445201602" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 300px; height: 400px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWTqSOaFMI/AAAAAAAAATM/YF8NzGQ24dM/s400/100_2185.jpg" border="0" /></a>Leah is posing with her biggest wish-a purple bathrobe. She's been saying this for weeks "I want a purple coat so I can be just like my Grandma." She's talking about my mom's blue bathrobe.<br />The next photo needs no explanation, except that Brian got me some cool stuff. I'm not ging to make a list of gifts recieved because that would make this post even more boring and tacky.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWTYIA859I/AAAAAAAAATE/8FLQezH-TkE/s1600-h/100_2181.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284291780466763730" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 300px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWTYIA859I/AAAAAAAAATE/8FLQezH-TkE/s400/100_2181.jpg" border="0" /></a> I'd like to mention now that our girls are very easily bored and really relish getting out of the house. That makes for interesting times when you are stuck in a blasted trailer on Christmas Day for hours on end. We'd planned on doing some sledding, which Brian isn't a big fan of and Hannah couldn't care less about. She just wanted to climb the stairs.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWT0Hyms6I/AAAAAAAAATU/p76UR1fRV5I/s1600-h/100_2191.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284292261442925474" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 300px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWT0Hyms6I/AAAAAAAAATU/p76UR1fRV5I/s400/100_2191.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Leah and myself, on the otherhand, think sledding is great fun. Being the expert snow person that I am (ahem, ahem) I thought I'd show Leah how it's done. I spent most of the time on my back, sliding down backwards with the sled going in a different direction. One time Leah landed on top of me and we slid down that way. She probably thought I meant to do that.<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWUHDMeeuI/AAAAAAAAATc/bmHC8d1MXDU/s1600-h/100_2193.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284292586626775778" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 300px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWUHDMeeuI/AAAAAAAAATc/bmHC8d1MXDU/s400/100_2193.jpg" border="0" /></a> We also planned an awesome dinner-spaghetti on paper plates. Can you say white trash?<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWUnnXmWWI/AAAAAAAAATk/82tvjjUkkmw/s1600-h/100_2199.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284293146092919138" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 300px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWUnnXmWWI/AAAAAAAAATk/82tvjjUkkmw/s400/100_2199.jpg" border="0" /></a> A birthday cake for Jesus with three candles.<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWU3fAFJ5I/AAAAAAAAATs/3afqgTux8qs/s1600-h/100_2200.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284293418724698002" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 300px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWU3fAFJ5I/AAAAAAAAATs/3afqgTux8qs/s400/100_2200.jpg" border="0" /></a> Of course no Christmas is complete without a head shaving, right? Brian thought his hair was too long and since we're a little short on cash these days....now he's a skinhead. It took a bit to get used to, but I like it. He's even wrapped up with the quilt I made him.<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWay7y9izI/AAAAAAAAAT0/92TGQxVToP4/s1600-h/100_2203.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284299937624722226" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 300px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XFfIDXQgC4g/SVWay7y9izI/AAAAAAAAAT0/92TGQxVToP4/s400/100_2203.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Whew! Was that enough for one day? The last few hours were a little rough with cranky, overwhelmed kids, but overall we really enjoyed the past couple days. Now it's over and we're unsure of how to make time pass this next week with Leah being out of school...my nerves are getting a little raw... </div> <span class="post-author vcard"> Posted by <span class="fn">Carrie</span> </span> <span class="post-timestamp"> at <a class="timestamp-link" href="http://chopstickfly.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-stuff.html" rel="bookmark" title="permanent link"><abbr class="published" title="2008-12-26T18:29:00-08:00">6:29 PM</abbr></a></span>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-13986841466456042072008-12-24T22:35:00.008-07:002008-12-24T23:26:53.714-07:00Hope for a great Christmas and a happy New Year<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMeFzN6tJI/AAAAAAAAAFw/GI8aGClTjfI/s1600-h/100_2172.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMeFzN6tJI/AAAAAAAAAFw/GI8aGClTjfI/s320/100_2172.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283599872832484498" /></a><br /><br />So, I don't have all the answers as to why; and why with my musings and theories about it. For whatever the reasons, as an adult after about age 22 or 23, the Holidays (especially Christmas) has always been tough for me. It is what it is.<br /><br />Despite the ghost of Christmas past, I've been determined to write a new future for myself and my family (especially Carrie) for Christmas present and Christmas future. Fortunately, as of the end of Christmas Eve, we're off to a great start.<div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMc8WZI_cI/AAAAAAAAAFo/-KGJ1FO2Dbs/s1600-h/100_2171.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMc8WZI_cI/AAAAAAAAAFo/-KGJ1FO2Dbs/s320/100_2171.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283598610964479426" /></a><br />As pictured above, we have evidence of an old tradition in my family of origin. We used to always open one present from my parents. It seemed fitting that my dad and my Stepmother Stacy should be the source of the gifts for the girls for this evening. Don't worry Mom, your gifts for the girls will get good attention in the morning.<br /><br />So, in the first pic. they're tearing into the presents, and Hannah is taking care of business by signaling for a refill. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMfbKK5ySI/AAAAAAAAAF4/x-AuhQTkRWI/s1600-h/100_2173.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMfbKK5ySI/AAAAAAAAAF4/x-AuhQTkRWI/s320/100_2173.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283601339282737442" /></a><br />The books were a hit, as was the stuffed animal Olivia. Leah is sleeping with it as we speak.</div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMgPVF1CsI/AAAAAAAAAGA/HUW9nDZX0F4/s1600-h/100_2174.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMgPVF1CsI/AAAAAAAAAGA/HUW9nDZX0F4/s320/100_2174.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283602235567442626" /></a><br />Like the books, some of the rest of the success of the day included some yummy Chinese from the Black Pearl (a restaurant, not the Pirate Ship in Pirates of the Caribbean)Carrie Dodged a bullet by making it out of wal-mart alive not once but twice. I won't tell you why she went back there twice on Christmas Eve. That's her story to tell if she chooses to at all. The girls did amazingly well waiting for her in the van for over 15 minutes after we dropped her off and picked up the food at the Black Pearl. This might not sound like any big deal, but for Leah who is stir crazy and ready to rip apart the van like a human tornado after only a few minutes usually; and Hannah who is a HUGE momma's girl who cannot bare to be parted from her dearest mother for...well...basically never, they were amazing. </div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMhxuHGGCI/AAAAAAAAAGI/ROprMb_etYc/s1600-h/100_2175.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMhxuHGGCI/AAAAAAAAAGI/ROprMb_etYc/s320/100_2175.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283603925910820898" /></a>Quite the happy little girl. This is the first year where Leah really is starting to get Christmas and has been looking forward to it accordingly.</div><div><br /> I've been sleeping really terribly lately, not being able to sleep until 1 or 2am. It was 2 last night. So, after I got up from 7:30am to 8:30am to give Carrie a nap, I in turn went back for some more slumber. I knew that I would be on for some important childcare and housework when I got up, and if I didn't meet the challenge both with a positive attitude and my "A" game as far as making it happen with getting things done was concerned, then we weren't going to have a good Christmas Eve.<br /><br />Along those lines, We had an enormous pile of dishes that I all but finished after an hour by hand since we're no longer with dishwasher. I also walked the 50-60 yards or so to the dumpster in the 8 degree weather with tons and tons of garbage.<br /><br />I know this is probably starting to sound like a list of all the reasons why I'm so great this Christmas Eve. In Christmases past as a married man, I have tended to be a recluse, depressed, and not at all helpful. K, basicly I've had my head up my butt. It'sbeen a little bit better the last couple of Christmases or so and throughout the holiday season, but I've been inconsistent.<br /><br />I'm just greatful that I haven't been a complete looser this year and that barring a total negative turnaround, we have a chance of having a memorable Christmas this year for positive and not negative reasons.<br /><br />I'm also greatful that we're able to teach Leah and Hannah about Jesus and the<br />importance of this holiday. I'm greatful that we can focus on him and that they can learn that there's more to Christmas than just Santa and retailers making billions off us spending as much as we can to buy our kids and their love. Don't get me wrong, I love presents just as much as anyone, perhaps too much. But I'm greatful that we can teach them that in this season of giving, that selfishness doesn't have to be the bottom line and that it's not just about getting and that's all there is.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMlQOch0FI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/wR8f2QPEDYc/s1600-h/100_2157.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SVMlQOch0FI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/wR8f2QPEDYc/s320/100_2157.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283607748521611346" /></a><br />Proof that I've either become a great liar or I'm really having a better holidays. No mope. No scowl. There's still a lot of room for improvement from me during the holidays and otherwise, but I'm hopeful that this can be a lasting change/improvement.<br /><br />Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night...<br /><br /></div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-89680630232944358992008-12-19T23:43:00.000-07:002008-12-19T23:45:13.547-07:00Picture/Background ProblemI hope this won't detract and distract too much from the blog and the latest post from today. I'll try to figure out what the problem is hopefully within the next day or so. Thanks for your patience guys!Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-65711802752313895862008-12-18T15:51:00.006-07:002008-12-19T20:07:54.594-07:00Because I need a friend<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxhDybmu6I/AAAAAAAAAE4/4iFXDAG943s/s1600-h/100_2072.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxhDybmu6I/AAAAAAAAAE4/4iFXDAG943s/s320/100_2072.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5281703180703808418" border="0" /></a><br />So Carrie just left to teach her Thursday piano lessons and things were a bit hectic. Hannah was just barely awake from a nap and I was trying to get some things under control in the kitchen. I had just tried to move some things to the outside storage shed and not all of it fit. Carrie was doing her best to hide her disappointment.<br /><br />Fast forward: Now Leah was trying to hold me and snuggle and share the same office chair while simultaneously putting her arms around my neck and cut off my air supply through my windpipe. This unfortunately happens to be a fairly regular occurrence. She doesn't understand or fully comprehend what she's doing, but just thinks our reactions to it is enormously amusing. I stood up out of necessity and utility; both to break her choke hold and to try to get the snack on the table of canned peaches and graham crackers.Carrie kept insisting on her way out the door that this particular snack time was both essential and just might be what the kids were screaming for...(though if the way their all too Taylor-like food critique answered for a confirmation of that claim by how much they ate, or should I say what they didn't eat from their snubbing of the snack that they either wanted something else or they just didn't want a snack at all.)<br /><br />So Carrie leaves and Hannah's devastated that she'll be separated from her mother for a stretch of time that she doesn't understand, Leah is doing her best to topple the house and me with it as its retreating leader whose about to go down with the ship. So, I'm scrambling as fast as I can to keep us afloat and I'm trying to hurry and get a snack into Leah's mouth before they can regroup and coordinate and mount a counter assault and thus claim victory over dad-a.k.a the domestic version of the failed/harried substitute teacher in for the mother.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxbuKEa-qI/AAAAAAAAAEg/QJCj0SD_ARo/s1600-h/100_2123.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxbuKEa-qI/AAAAAAAAAEg/QJCj0SD_ARo/s320/100_2123.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5281697311533759138" border="0" /></a>It's at this time (as if I wasn't hanging on by a thread enough with my back against the wall, looking for the kid-equivalent of the white flag of surrender,...I guess that would or could have been candy or cookies, but my survival instinct wasn't allow me to think that sharply. It was more along the lines of the fight or flight response, sadly enough.) that Leah starts one of my favorite pet peeves of hers, and that is to start trying to console Hannah in offering her all sorts of things that she can't deliver on. "Hannah, you sad? Do you want mommy?!" (of course she misses and wants her mommy, this is the LAST thing in the world that I want her to be reminded of!!....Then:) "Hannah, you don't want peaches? Do you want fruit snacks?!" Again, another no no except when we ration to them in small quantities or else if we let it, it would be the bulk of their entire diet. Then, after I tried to put out both of these fires, Leah threw out some more lighter fluid, as I was trying to get Hannah some Juice: "Hannah, you don't want juice? Do you want hot chocolate instead?!!!" This is of course both of their favorite drink and also of course, we only offer it for breakfast.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxeoOCvytI/AAAAAAAAAEw/jPKAlnCjI8w/s1600-h/100_2087.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxeoOCvytI/AAAAAAAAAEw/jPKAlnCjI8w/s320/100_2087.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5281700508056144594" border="0" /></a><br />So, I' ve had about all I can stand and I'm definitely no longer thinking rationally. And, all those parenting strategies I've read in books for kids with or without Autism have been thrown out so much further than just the window. So, now I'm marching her into time out and it's for my good, not hers. (I hate when I look back or, even worse, if I know in the moment that I'm not doing the right things for my kids for the right reasons or if I'm letting my negative emotions get the best of me and cloud my judgment, etc.)<br /><br />Anyhow, so there I was, marching Leah back into time out for offering Hannah Hot Chocolate of all things, the final straw, the end of modern western society as we know it, and at the last second Leah implores me,"No, don't!" in a sad and somewhat hurt voice. Somewhat stunned and taken aback, I asked the question, "Why?"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxcqyYqgrI/AAAAAAAAAEo/AoJm4etbNho/s1600-h/100_2077.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUxcqyYqgrI/AAAAAAAAAEo/AoJm4etbNho/s320/100_2077.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5281698353148232370" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Her answer stopped me dead in my tracks and ended timeout immediately..."Because I need a friend."Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-19101406645378803002008-12-11T20:12:00.003-07:002008-12-11T20:32:44.050-07:00A Little Light readin' at the Dinner Table<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUHXDJEezdI/AAAAAAAAAEI/LnrfLnNji-o/s1600-h/100_2126.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SUHXDJEezdI/AAAAAAAAAEI/LnrfLnNji-o/s320/100_2126.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5278736687229226450" /></a><br /><br />Carrie and I often seem to be looking for the bright spots when our days are hard. Today, while Carrie was gone teaching piano for a bit and I was trying to get dinner on the table...(yeah, I know. You don't believe I actually made dinner...)and trying to do so without burning down our not so rockin' redneck trailer trash abode up here at Utah State/Logan, UT (and yes, it really is a trailer if ya didn't know...)and to complete the tidal wave of a run-on sentence, I was engaged in doing so while Leah was outright refusing to eat pizza, of all things; one of her favorite meals. So yeah, while I was trying to keep the girls from killing each other and putting me over the edge as well, Leah decided to read one of her and Hannah's favorite books, Corduroy. <br /><br />Well, Hannah who was eating dinner while Leah was reading, started to feel a little slighted when Leah brought the book to the office chair that rolls, (always a kid favorite) at the kitchen table. So there she was, reading, flaunting one of Hannah's favorite books in front of her at the dinner table while shunning dinner itself and doing her own thing. So this made Hannah go nuts, and they fought over the book.<br /><br />Amazingly, Leah problem solved the situation and brought Hannah another extra copy of Corduroy to make peace. So there they were, both reading at the table, Hannah taking in her reading while takin' in her pizza while dipping it in ranch. I'm more proud of the reading habit rubbing off than the ranch dipping being passed down.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-30194854888937750532008-12-10T20:07:00.000-07:002008-12-10T20:07:26.726-07:00Countdown video : Bush talking points highlight failures<a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#28148845">Countdown video : Bush talking points highlight failures</a><br /><br />I've been lagging on making posts because I wanted to pimp my blog a bit before I started kicking butt and taking names. Since I've been too busy, I haven't made much progress in that arena.<br /><br />However, when I come upon segments like these, it's a bit too hard to pass up. If you're one of the few surviving "W" supporters or if you've had all the Bush you can stand, you may want to pass on this one. But, if you'd like just another reason to be grateful that it won't be long before his days are numbered in single digits, check this out.<br /><br /><br /><br />I'll do my best next time to lighten up by making my post about something that has nothing to do with movies, politics, or religion so you all can know that I'm capable of talking about something else, and hopefully therefore not turn you all off to my blog, just in case anyone is still actually reading it.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-2248057665145657522008-10-25T11:49:00.001-06:002008-10-25T11:49:18.832-06:00Catching a Fly With Chopsticks<object classid='clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000' codebase='http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=8,0,0,0' width='385' height='500' id='Twilight Widget' align='middle' flashVars=''> <param name='allowScriptAccess' value='sameDomain' /> <param name='flashVars' value='' /> <param name='allowFullScreen' value='false' /> <param name='movie' value='http://twilightthemovie.com/ecard_widget/twilight_widget.swf' /><param name='quality' value='high' /><param name='bgcolor' value='#000000' /> <embed src='http://twilightthemovie.com/ecard_widget/twilight_widget.swf' quality='high' bgcolor='#000000' width='385' height='500' name='Twilight Widget' align='middle' allowScriptAccess='sameDomain' allowFullScreen='false' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' pluginspage='http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer' > </embed> </object><img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTIyNDk1NjUwODY1OCZwdD*xMjI*OTU2NjMxOTAzJnA9OTE4NDEmZD*mbj1ibG9nZ2VyJmc9MiZ*PSZvPWM4MjA*ZWQ5ZGZkMTRhZDY5YzhjYmJhMmUyZGZjYzA5.gif" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-2293595845390297902008-10-20T13:06:00.002-06:002008-10-20T13:19:07.898-06:00Blog under construction/re-modeling...Being unintentionally called-out by Carrie's recent edition of <span style="font-style:italic;">Pimp My Blog</span> <a href="http://chopstickfly.blogspot.com/"></a><br />I too feel the need as a result of her recent stylishness and creativity to do a self-makeover for my blog. Since TLC or the G4 network, etc. hasn't come out with the Blogger version of <span style="font-style:italic;">what not to wear</span> as mentioned above, I'm left to my own devices to do it myself. Hopefully doing so will also retroactively motivate me to write more often in my own stylish new blogger diggs. I'll be moving at my own snailer' pace of busyness and technological challengedness so this may take a bit. I'll let ya know when I'm back on line.<br /><br />For those of you who are a bit more blogger savvy than myself and have suggestions for new editions, layouts, links, features, widgits, etc. Let me know. I'd love to hear your suggestions/ideas.<br /><br />Until Then...<br /><br />BrianBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-48579779406615639162008-10-19T17:43:00.001-06:002008-10-19T17:43:35.580-06:00New SpringWidget<!-- SpringWidgets | RSS Reader (#23) | Blogger | Generated on 10/19/2008 --><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowNetworking="all" allowScriptAccess="always" allowFullScreen="true" height="318" width="250" id="springwidgets_23" align="middle" data="http://downloads.thespringbox.com/web/wrapper.php?file=RSS Reader.sbw" codebase="http://fpdownload.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=8,0,0,0"><param name="allowNetworking" value="all" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="movie" value="http://downloads.thespringbox.com/web/wrapper.php?file=RSS Reader.sbw" /><param name="flashvars" value="param_param=http://feeds.lds.org/ldsHomeFeatures¶m_style_borderColor=0x000000¶m_style_brandUrl=¶m_compactView=false¶m_blurbLength=512" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="bgColor" value="0x000000" /></object><div style="font:11px/12px arial;width:250px;"><a href="http://www.springwidgets.com/widgets/view/23/?param_param=http://feeds.lds.org/ldsHomeFeatures¶m_style_borderColor=0x000000¶m_style_brandUrl=¶m_compactView=false¶m_blurbLength=512&width=250&height=300" target="_blank">Get this widget!</a></div><div><div style="font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; -x-system-font: none;">Visit the <a href="http://www.springwidgets.com" target="_blank">Widget</a> <a href="http://www.springwidgets.com/widgets" target="_blank">Gallery</a></div></div>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-52468945690834250002008-10-13T00:17:00.001-06:002008-10-13T00:24:37.362-06:00The Devine Institution of Marriage<a href="http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-divine-institution-of-marriage"></a><br /><br />I hope all of my friends and family who read this blog will take the time to read from the hyperlink titled above "The Devine Institute of Marriage. I know that this issue is very important to people of all faiths and political dispositions, Republican, Democrat, and Independent.<br /><br />I myself am a Democrat, so my position on this ballot initiative in CA is diverges from that of my political party; however it is in direct line with that of my religious faith. <br /><br />I hope, regardless of where you currently stand on the issue of marriage, that you will read from this link very carefully with an open mind.<br /><br />Thanks,<br /><br />BrianBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-5436918248335837002008-10-05T20:29:00.001-06:002008-10-05T20:29:59.972-06:00SNL Weekly Update VP Debate<div>Just my weekly update from SNL featuring Tina Fey. This one is equally funny for fans of both major political parties. As Fox News would claim it's (more) "Fair and Balanced."</div><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/48e978276eb7919a/4727a2501a2a0f59/ddbc6f39/widget.js"></script>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-3842047912947176512008-09-28T22:58:00.001-06:002008-09-28T22:58:17.206-06:00Tina Fey...errgh...Sarah Palin meets Katie Couric<div>K, so due to my technoligical ineptness, I was unsuccessful in posting the actual Palin/Katie Couric Interview; so here's the next best thing. Despite the satire, it's still scarily a fair representation of how the origional interview went. You decide.</div><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/48e06067eeaf225e/4727a2501a2a0f59/c67d80df/widget.js"></script>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-55143887325951217232008-09-17T18:06:00.001-06:002008-09-17T18:06:21.339-06:00Saturday Night Live: Tina Fey as Sarah Palin<div>This is just so funny and scarily accurate that I just can't stand it! I think Tina Fey gives the best impression/impersonalization I've ever seen in my life! She's got Palin down, dead on!!! If you haven't seen this already in its entirity, prepare to laugh yourself into a new pant size. </div><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/48d19b77ce6f48ef/4727a2501a2a0f59/6397bd24/widget.js"></script>Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-87069887926804939612008-08-16T01:07:00.002-06:002008-08-16T01:49:38.212-06:00Late in the Evenin'Here we go with another incredibly uninsightful post about nothing!<br /><br />It's 1 AMish and I'm having another not so incredibly rare night of being the resident local insonmiaiac. This really bites because it is a forgone conclusion and completely inevitable that the not so natural course of events will lead to the chain reaction of ciaos 1. I can't sleep. therefore; 2. Hannah and Leah will wake up at 5 pm, which means that 3. I will try to get Carrie to wake up with them, which seems the obvious choice since I'm on 3 to 4 hours sleep at the time. 4. Carrie will then inform me that she actually got up with Hannah approx. 1/2 hour after I finally fell asleep and was up with her from lets say...2:30am to 4:30am and has only been asleep for the last 20 minutes. So... 5. I am now the not so obvious choice to get up with the girls on 3 to 4 hours sleep. so I will then... 6. Get up and play night of the living dead father/zombie absentee and struggle to change diapers as if it were quantum physics. This will go on for 1 1/2 hour or 2 and then I'll drag a very reluctant comatose burnt out mom out of bed to share my pain. I'll go back to bed and we'll likely rotate in 2 hour nap shifts until I go to work at three. Nothing will get done and the only thing that will occur is mass crankiness on behalf of the parental staff and the bored and dissatisfied young ones.<br /><br />What else... I absolutely love and am simultaneously sick of watching Micheal Phelps win enough Olympic hardware to sink his all too muscular, in shape body to the bottom of the pool, should he attempt to wear them all at once. I do feel absolutely sorry for any and all of the other athletes that had this misfortune of being born at the wrong time to grow up in the same generation as Mr. Phelps. This is without question, HIS Olympics. Everyone else lucky to grab a medal or two or even three will pale in comparison to his 7 and counting. To be just another swimmer in the same pool this Olympics as Mr. Phelps is to have the even greater misfortune. How many average non -junkey status garden variety citizens in the U.S. can name two other U.S. swimmers besides Micheal Phelps, especially ones that haven't competed in a relay with Mr. Phelps. This truly is the Olympics of Michal Phelps and everyone else who were lucky enough to share the same pool, or lucky enough to be in the same stadium for opening and closing ceremonies with him. This is perhaps similar to all the great basketball players that hardly anyone can remember who played at the same time as Micheal Jordan, or those who were ranked number 2 and below while Roger Federer went on his reign of terror with what is otherwise known as his tennis career. To have one a major tourney in his era would mean that he didn't show up, decided he simply didn't want this one, or was sick or injured. Any other result means that the greatest ever obviously won the title and dominated in convincing fashion.<br /><br />Any other randomness... Carrie, Leah, Hannah and I somehow just barely survived one of many of the shopping trips from Hades. Taking the crew to Wally World under any circumstances is bad enough; to do so on a late Friday afternoon is nothing less than a suicidal death wish. My personal favorite was when I explained on the fly to my boss as he puts on the skids to not take Leah out as she dives in front of his cart in total but all too common reckless abandonment of all thought, reason, and any sense of self preservation that led me to say,"sorry, she's Autistic and totally out of control!" No time to stay and chat and build good employee/employer relations, no time to be cordial and say "hi" to his friend or roomate (which he was I could not say, I had no chance to ask!!!) I had a toddler to catch before she could go and play chicken with another shopping cart! <br /><br />Both Hannah and Leah find it to be a really great time to stand up in the kids seats in the shopping cart. This may look funny to the average onlooker, but since our children are the most clumsy, accident prone klutzes (and I say this as lovingly as I know how)alive, I find myself lunging if not diving to try to prevent imminent disaster that likely would leave to brain damage if left unchecked. There's also the tantrums and all out screeching to blood curdling primal screaming coming from Leah that leaves our fellow shoppers with nothing to do but stare. I keep waiting for DCFS <br />(Department of Child and Family Services) to show up one day after we're unloading the groceries. The frosty stares we get from the judgmental parents and other critics seem to just scream without words,"why don't you just DO SOMETHING!!!" Obviously, we're just bad parents who don't love our children, who are guilty of all sorts of abuse and neglect. Why else would a child scream like a primate fighting for their life?<br /><br />The sad thing is I've left out most of the highlight reel from the play by play of events from the store trip. Truth is I'm starting to get too tired to remember and another part of me doesn't want to. <br /><br />I love my children. Both of them. I really, REALLY do. I just want to know how to best help them so that we can ALL be happy. <br /><br />Well, now that it's 1:45, I better try to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep before I'm on my childcare rotation in the wee hours. <br /><br />I know that this post sucked and was likely really negative. I hope the next time I fill you in I can share something more positive. If not, I'll whine and you'll listen , skip or skim, or just fall asleep.<br /><br />ni' night.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-58586831162425424712008-08-10T22:14:00.002-06:002008-08-10T23:07:34.654-06:00No more waiting!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SJ-9c-WzP7I/AAAAAAAAAD0/HPCPR6iYkk4/s1600-h/100_1653.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SJ-9c-WzP7I/AAAAAAAAAD0/HPCPR6iYkk4/s320/100_1653.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233109597500424114" /></a><br /><br />I keep waiting for something really great to talk about, or for anything that just gives me the itch to blog. It hasn't happened, so I thought it was time to get back to it. <br /><br />Life has been very nose to the grindstone-ish lately. Lots of working, lots of taking care of the chillins' which absolutely hasn't been easy as of late. Leah is not in preschool at present, so her life is out of sync. She thrives on schedule and consistency. When things get upset with the order of things, so does she. In like order, we all suffer. She's unhappy, so she does a bit more than rock the boat; it's a bit more like taking down the Titanic level of operations from her. That's not a perfect Analogy, since she's not just floating around like a giant iceberg. She can be a force equally to be reckoned with, but she would move through the water more like a Katrina like Hurricane. I love Leah more than life itself; it's just that she wreaks (sp?) havoc on all of our lives when she's unhappy, struggling to communicate or get what she wants. etc. <br /><br />Hannah would be nearly perfect if she would sleep a few more hours each night and not do what she can to aggravate her sister. It's understandable, seeing as how the first year to 1 1/3 of her life, Leah spent terrorizing her to the fullest extent possible by being an uncontrollable bully on her very little baby sister. In Leah's defense , having Autisim and perhaps other mood disorders, etc. it's not the easiest for her to reason out the best decisions for the welfare of others. Having said that, now that Hannah is still much smaller yet more capable to fight back, (though the fight is far from even still) Hannah does her worst to push, pull, gouge, steal, etc. etc. etc. when the opportunity presents itself. She's basically got her big sister's number on almost all her buttons to push. Revenge is bitter sweet, since Leah can still dish it back to the power of 10; being extraordinarily strong for any 4 year old. She's also very big and tall for her age. <br /><br />I just spent 20 minutes trying to find some video footage that we took of Leah on our digital camera that only does 2 minutes of video at a time. I know we had two different times where she was absolutely spiraling out of control on camera, but I couldn't find it. I didn't want to put this on here at my daughter's expense later in life, (and I guess it doesn't matter anyway, since I couldn't find the footage.) but I thought it might be worth the risk. There are a few close associates of ours that only seem to see Leah when she's not in her comfort zone to let it all loose, which is usually the case when she doesn't know someone all that well. Anyway, since that seems to be the only time she sees these people, they think sometimes or act like we're jus making all of this up, or that since she doesn't do it when they're around, then the problem must just be us as parents, and not anything serious that is actually going on with Leah. I was hoping to let the camera speak for itself for our friendly and family doubters, but I guess it wasn't meant to be, at least for now.<br /><br />This doesn't help for sibling relations, nor does it help when she decides it's time to throw a 11.0 size tantrum on the temper scale out in public. Leah Looks like she's almost 6 and not disabled, so when she unleashes her worst, Carrie and I end up looking like the kind of parents that need to have their kids taken into custody by the authorities and put into foster care from the prospective of the general public. It's quite understandable. I mean, why haven't we done our job as parents and taught this perfectly normal yet obviously extremely neglected child how to behave and how to act? No one can know the hours we've spent reading, researching, searching for help in a state that wants to pretend that children and adults with problems like our daughter just don't exist. If they do, and if there are people like us that can't pay enormous piles of cash out of pocket, to get Leah treatment, then it would be the state's responsibility to step in and assist. Since the status quo of the Local political philosophy is ignore and hope it will go away so we can keep taxes low, there isn't funding available from the state to fund social welfare kinds of programs. Because of this, we suffer, and therefore, Leah suffers because she's not getting the kind of treatment she diserves. <br /><br />O.k. I know that there will be a few of you out there (not everyone, but I know you exist because you've talked to me and shared your views.) that would say; there's help available where you live or somewhere nearby. You just haven't looked hard enough!!!<br /><br />Don't go there. I will remove your comment from the blog, and I might block your e-mail address from my inbox. It's nothing personal, but I've "...climbed every moun tain, forded every stream...searched high and low, and (we haven't) found (our) dream..."<br /><br />The small silver lining is we did locate someone who is very qualified to offer in-home ABA tharapy for Leah. It's absolutely free, but it is unfourtunately, only once a week for an hour. Leah needs about 2 or 3 hours, about 3 times a week or so. <br /><br />Obviously this is better than nothing, but it wasn't quite what we need just yet.<br /><br />Sorry. I had no intention to go off like this. It was somewhat therapeutic. Hopefully it wasn't also a snoozer, or really annoying to read. <br />more <br /><br />I'm too tired to edit this post, and if I wait to post it until I have time to make it better, I'll likely never post it. Sorry for my sloppiness.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-76778273943071670302008-07-23T23:37:00.005-06:002008-07-24T00:21:52.726-06:00A difficult week<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SIgePVBRV3I/AAAAAAAAADs/vfAXyKKl9Vc/s1600-h/100_1459.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SIgePVBRV3I/AAAAAAAAADs/vfAXyKKl9Vc/s320/100_1459.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226460616252807026" /></a><br />It's great to have Carrie back with Hannah and Leah. Carrie of course had a fantastic time in NYC; a much deserved and overdue break from the rigors of being a mother and wife, especially to a much beloved yet very difficult autistic toddler and adorable, extremely sweet, yet demanding 1 1/2 year old.(Leah and Hannah) All of this would be enough to warrant anyone a 2 months vacation, but a week had to do. <br /><br />The downside is that Hannah came back with a wicked case of the stomach flu that she spread to the rest of us. Not exactly a good way to adjust to jet lag and the fatigue of traveling and being out of town. <br /><br />We are just barely now all getting over the pukes and the poohs. It's been a long, hard week since we were all too sick to take care of ourselves, let alone one another. It'll be nice for things to bet back to normal again. Unfourtunately, the added traveling followed by subsequent unintended time off didn't do much to replenish our pocket book. Our next few months of bills should be...well...interesting. (Note to family: this is not a plea for you to send us money. Prayers, well wishing, and thinking happy thoughts will do just fine.)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SIgWfUkn-BI/AAAAAAAAADk/0wzI7oAZOQ0/s1600-h/100_1553.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_F3xU4B34xFU/SIgWfUkn-BI/AAAAAAAAADk/0wzI7oAZOQ0/s320/100_1553.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226452094917539858" /></a><br />While I know the girls had a great time down with Grandma and Grandpa Day and miss them still, they are quite possessive of their mommy and are overanxious to not allow her to leave their sight. If Carri goes ANYWHERE without taking them; (work for a few hours, the store, etc.) they absolutely WIGG!!! I have always (I feel) accepted well that I'm #2 next to their Mommy in their book and really don't have a problem with that; the problem I do have is when the want her and only her. When Carrie's not around and their moods dictate that I'm not an adequate sub. it can get a little hard. My nerves tend to get a little shot when everything I do for them just doesn't quite make the grade because I'm not mom and I don't do everything the same. As I said, I'm ok that they love her more, I'm not ok when the only love that they'll accept is from someone who is unavailable and I'm as an option am unexceptable. Make sense?<br /><br />Regardless, I absolutely love and adore Hannah and Leah, no matter what their mood and preferences may be. <br /><br />I know that this sounds corny and cleche (as many of the things I say do,) but as hard as things can be at times, I'm greatful for my trials. I know that they help me grow and be not only a better person, but they can shape me into the kind of person I'd like to be. <br /><br />Also cleche, many, MANY have trials that I know I couldn't handle. It always seems like when I'm whining the most, I get exposed to someone who really has it hard. At these times, I re-evaluate and realize that my life is really quite easy compared to theirs. I don't have leprosy, I'm not blind, deaf, paraplegic, I'm not dying of cancer or AIDS, etc. etc. My trials are relatively simple compared to some. I just need to shut up and enjoy life, my wife, children, and truely make something of myself by making things better for others other than myself.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7801135961044919590.post-70022718290878466912008-07-21T11:33:00.000-06:002008-07-21T11:39:42.490-06:00vomiting while toilet training! (and fighting over the toilet!)I, along with the rest of my little ones and Carrie as well, all have and have had stomach flu. I'd hoped to have thrown down with another post by now...no go. Hopefully sometime later this week. (I don't think I can stand this another day; yet alone that I'm actually pondering going in to work with it...Yikes!)<br /><br />So, I'll try not to keep you posted (no picture included) at least that is until I have something NEW to talk about!Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501921165078570768noreply@blogger.com0